It was not exactly life in the fast lane

It appears the bicycle lane launch on Sukhumvit 39 last Tuesday didn’t get off to the most auspicious of starts. In fact it had to be hastily abandoned after one day. All it succeeded in doing was to create a massive traffic jam leading to gridlock on 17 major roads along with a communal sigh across the city.
Not helping matters was the fact that hardly any pedal cyclists used the new lane anyway and it was quickly taken over by gleeful motorcyclists. To be fair to City Hall they apologised for the situation and at least are trying to do something.
Of course this latest experiment doesn’t help resolve the ultimate impossible aim of encouraging people to ride bicycles in the city as opposed to limousines. The painful reality is that it takes a very brave person to ride a bike regularly in Bangkok. Far too many people I know who have taken up the velocipede in the Big Mango have ended up in hospital waiting rooms nursing bloody knees and bruised egos.
It might seem obvious but the main drawback about bicycles is that people tend to fall off them. This is particularly the case in Bangkok where assorted hidden traps are lurking to ensnare unsuspecting bicyclists. If you don’t plunge down a pothole you can be sure that a budding F1 motorist or truck driver will do their best to dispatch you to that great Bicycle Shed in the Sky.
Many moons ago they introduced bicycles for Bangkok’s policemen primarily for patrolling the city’s parks. Alas the policy was abandoned because the pedaling Serpicos spent too much time rescuing cats up trees, chasing stray dogs and interrupting courting couples, rather than hunting down villains.
Maybe they could reintroduce the “Bobbies on Bicycles” campaign as it might do wonders for the image of the police especially if they gave the cops those funny-looking English helmets. People might even write nice letters to the Post about the friendly fuzz in Bangkok, although that could be stretching things a bit.
A fearsome-looking dog has been seen patrolling the grounds of US president-elect Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida in recent weeks. It answers to the rather unimaginative name of “Spot”. On each of its legs there is a warning sign for passers-by, “Do Not Pet”, although there is not much danger of that happening as this dog doesn’t look particularly cuddly.
As you have probably guessed, Spot is a robot. By all accounts Spot is quite effective on its guard duties although no one has heard it bark as yet. It also doesn’t appear to have a tail to wag or a wet nose, which is rather disappointing. But at least it doesn’t need a lamppost.
Mr Trump is not known as a great dog lover and in 2016 became the first US president in well over a century not to have a pet of some sort in the White House. The absence of a furry thing with a wet nose running around the grounds did not go unnoticed. Former presidents were well aware that a playful tickle of their dog’s ears on the lawn during a photo-op was worth far more votes than any boring speech.
Admittedly Mr Trump doesn’t look like someone who would be particularly comfortable cuddling a dog. In her memoir Raising Trump, ex-wife Ivana wrote, “Donald was not a dog fan” and admitted he had quite a frosty relationship with their poodle, Chappy who “had an equal dislike of Donald”.
The American Kennel Club earlier this year announced the top 10 names for dogs in the US and it will come as no surprise there is not a mention of a Spot, Fido or Rover.
Apparently Milo is the most popular name for a male dog in both the US and UK. I have no idea why this name is so trendy. Maybe readers can help. Milo is closely followed by Max, Teddy, Charlie and Cooper.
As regards the female dogs, Luna tops the list, followed by Bella, Lucy and Willow. Luna replaced Bella as top dog three years ago. I must admit I don’t recall ever coming across a four-legged Lunar in Thailand.
The splendidly-named Camp Bow Wow website, informs us the name Luna is popular because of “its celestial beauty and aura of tranquility”. So there you are, the perfect dog name although things are probably not so tranquil if Luna starts barking at 2am.
Seeing the name of that website reminds me of the old music hall song “Daddy Wouldn’t Buy Me a Bow Wow” which includes the wonderful lyrics, “I’ve got a little cat, I’m very fond of that, but I’d rather have a bow wow wow”.
It was written in 1892 by English songwriter Joseph Tabrar and became a music hall favourite sung by Vesta Victoria. I first heard it on the BBC Radio’s Children’s Favourites in the 1950s.
There have been numerous versions of the song but the most unlikely has to be Helen Mirren and Peter Sellers teaming up to sing the chorus in the 1980 film The Fiendish Plot of Dr. Fu Manchu. It also happened to be Sellers’ last film, but unfortunately not one of his best.
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